and in the meantime

I never had tremendous confidence in my ability to be a good mother, even long before I thought I would ever be one. My relationship with my own mother was always, shall we say, a bit fraught, and I am always worried that I'm not quite getting it right and Barak will, um, grow up to hate me.

So, on that cheery and clearly very emotionally healthy note, let me say that it gives me a lot of satisfaction when I manage to do something that is, in my book anyway, a tiny little piece of Good Mothering. It makes me happy, for example, to see Barak clean and sweet-smelling out of the bathtub, ready for a cuddle and bed. It made me happy to nurse him for as long as he wanted to nurse. It makes me happy to watch him eat a well-balanced dinner of food that I cooked, accompanied by a cup of organic milk. And it makes me happy to knit for him.

It took me until November, but I finally made him mittens last night. They are orange, fit him perfectly (look ma, no pattern!), and surprise!--he loves them. I thought he would instantly fling them off in a fit of toddler indignation, because he usually hates anything getting between his fingers and the universe that awaits exploration. But he thought they were really cool. I put them on him today, when Abba was home early (no school today) and we all went out for a late lunch. We put on mittens, and then he got his mittens. Hoo boy! He giggled, he admired them, he waved at everybody, he checked them out at length in the stroller. He saw that I was also wearing orange mittens, and I think this pleased him even more. And as a bonus he even kept on his hat, which I also made, out of an odd ball of something very luxurious that I got from Webs a while back. He doesn't usually like hats, but he saw that Abba was wearing one, and I was wearing one (obviously) so he figured it must be okay.

And it took me a year and a half, but I finally finished his blanket today. It's made out of scraps, thirty squares of two colors each, knitted together and bordered. And get this--he likes it! I thought it would be immediately rejected in favor of his beloved yellow fuzzy blanket sent to him by his Savta, but no. He went to bed cuddling his yellow fuzzy, but contentedly tucked in under his new woolly one. All warm and sleepy.

Mmm. Sleepy. I think I'll go to sleep, too.