I can't sleep.
So much on my mind, so much of it unbloggable.
We came here knowing we'd be here for a year, anticipating the possibility of two, and having no plans after that. It was OK at the beginning because a year is a long time and we had a Plan B for year 2. But now we're at a point where it's looking very likely that we'll be here for a second year. Okay, good, fine, we knew that might happen. What is freaking me out is a) not knowing if I, personally, will have a job post August and b) seeing all the people here making plans NOW for what they'll be doing post August. If we stay for a second year, we will at this point next year, be in the same job-seach position, and without backup plans, and that is Scary.
What would make me able to sleep a little better would be some kind of an assurance from my boss that I can keep doing this for another year. The knowledge that at least we will not both be unemployed would help a lot. But until we know what we're doing, it's probably best not to even broach the subject. So far as I know, no one's complained, and that's the important thing. It does, however, make me a little bit insane when it comes to work--I am so paranoid that someone will complain about me (even though, to my knowledge, no one has done this in the last six and a half years) that I am bending over backwards when it isn't even called for and thereby getting even less sleep.
Going to try to sleep again now. Wish me luck.