And mention that Shanna, with whom we stayed, is categorically the best cook, ever.
I'm not only saying this because I just got an indignant email.* It is actually true. Not only did she stock up with a 2L bottle of Diet Coke for every yom tov/Shabbos, she also made enough food to feed all of the fleeing Jews and probably most of Pharaoh's legions for good measure. And all of it was delicious. Especially the salad. Which was so good I ate it for dessert. With the pecans. That she caramelized herself. With balsamic vinegar and pixie dust. The brisket literally made Iyyar sing (well, okay, he sings over oatmeal too, but this made him sing more melodiously) and even Barak was happy because at every meal there was a huge plate of raw cucumbers/peppers/grape tomatoes, and when he emptied the grape tomatoes onto his own plate and polished them off, they were magically replenished. He was a pretty big fan of the brownies, too. As was Avtalyon. "Want it dis one! Want it TWO one! Want it gawquit!!!"
She made stuffing. She made quinoa salad with things like mangoes in there. She made chicken with some kind of melty onion sauce on top during CHOL HA'MOED. Not even for yom tov--during chol ha'moed, when the mere mortals among us are eating a lot of matzo and cheese and packaged spreads with cottonseed oil. She made stuffed cabbage AND apple kugel AND all kinds of sweet potato deliciousness and when Barak and Iyyar requested, and I quote, "Pesach chicken mishkababble" for lunch she MADE IT. She made pickled mushrooms and Moroccan carrot salad and... and... yeah. It was pretty impressive. Oh, and have I mentioned her three-year-old twins? Who helped? Because they are from another planet, populated entirely by spookily verbal tiny little people? Who are also very very good cooks?
Did I mention she served it all on actual linens, without plastic covers?
Me? I made latkes. Once. Which we ate with charoseth. Which I highly recommend. Even though your charoseth, like my charoseth, is not going to be as good as Shanna's charoseth. Nor will it be magic, like the lasagne she once made me (not for Pesach) which multiplied in my freezer such that every time I dug there was another aluminum loaf pan with another lasagne hiding back there.
Yes, it is true, I do write better speeches. But you can't eat those. Except, I guess, indirectly.
Now if I can only convince her to come here and be my personal chef.
*Actual email, cut and pasted here:
> That was unacceptable. You > didn't gush about the food. DON'T YOU > KNOW IT'S ALL ABOUT THE FOOD?!?!?