Thursday, November 08, 2007

Gah

Asnat just quit, with many apologies. She is moving to LA in three weeks. I now have babysitting only two days a week, and about three weeks to find someone new.

I know, believe me, that there could be many worse things to have happen. But I don't really need this today.

Without getting into too many details, there is an awful lot of uncertainty in our lives right now--we don't know where we'll be next year or where MHH will be working, I don't know how I'm going to manage at home when this new baby IY"H comes in the winter, I don't know what to do about Barak and school for the fall (nothing is within walking distance, and everything is expensive, and deposits are substantial, and cf. "don't know where we'll be next year," above.)

I know that in the scheme of things these are all relatively minor issues. Nobody is sick, we are not bankrupt, we both have educations and are unlikely to get evicted or starve. Logically, I know that we are not in any worse a position than we were in when Barak was born and neither of us had a job and we had a new baby. With two and potentially soon three kids, though, and a mortgage, and the real estate market so in the tank we could not possibly sell if we had to without losing an unthinkable amount of money, it's all a lot more... distressing. I am a planner, and I know all about what God does when man plans, but... yeah. But. It's hard to relax when you're lying awake nights calculating how you would manage various doomsday scenarios.

One way or another, IY"H, it'll all be good. It will all work out for the best.

4 comments:

shanna said...

If you were closer (geographically, I mean), I would totally shlep my kids over there for pinch-hit babysitting (though I'm not sure how helpful it would be to have two extra babies crawling around).

A solution will present itself. You will be fine.

LeahChaya said...

I totally second this: A solution will present itself. You will be fine.

for all that my stress level is lower when I know what to expect (yes, I have *those* books, and was happy enough with them, but I digress) I got through arranging day care for ds#1 all the way to age 4 without concrete plans until the last minute.

miriamp said...

Well, Shabbos Mevarchim is supposed to be a more auspicious time to ask for things... I'll add stability for you (ie knowing what will be) to my licht bentsching list.

It'll be okay. Hey, 5 years ago, I thought we were going to live where we were forever. 3 years ago it was suddenly obvious that we had to leave. 2 1/2 years ago there was no way we were going to get a car we all fit in, and we were just going to struggle on without it. 6 mo later, we bought our big van.

These things do have a way of working themselves out.

Deborah said...

Oh dear. Intellectually, I know Whose you are and the he will provide, and that your friends above are correct.

But, from experience, I know the pit in the gut feeling, the mind churning that unexpected hardship brings.

So will be praying for you.